February 18, 2011

Friday, February 18, 10:00pm

Today was rough for me. I feel an anger within. Not anger toward God, or anyone else. Just a burning anger. I want Garren to be ok. Garren had surgery today to insert a trach tube for his breathing. The surgery went well.

It's hard to watch your child suffer. Many of you know what I'm talking about first hand. I know I'm not the first to go through something like this. It's tough.

This afternoon, Garren opened his eyes for several minutes. He's been groggy all day because of the medication they gave him for the surgery. But he was able to open his eyes. I spoke to him, talking about who I was, where we were, a little bit about what was going on. As I looked into his eyes, with his hand in mine, I saw a tear drop roll down his cheek. My heart broke...

That is what makes me angry. Garren didn't do anything. This just happened to him.

I had to get away, alone. I began reading Psalms.
I came across Psalm 102:1-2.

"Hear my prayer, O Lord; let my cry come to you!
Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress!
Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call!"

This is my prayer tonight.

32 comments:

Suzanne Barger said...

we continue to pray for Garron. We love you pastor Geoffrey!

Rob Singleton said...

Then that will be my prayer too! And all the Singletons tomorrow morning -- together

Jake said...

Pastor Geoffrey - God is right there with you and he understands that burning anger you are feeling. He too knows the pain of watching his Son suffer. When you feel that anger and you feel frustrated with the situation please be comforted by the amazing impact your son’s situation is having on the communities in our area. It’s amazing to watch your blog and see the outpouring of love and support and the amount of praying going on for Garren. Our family is praying for you guys daily and we will continue to do so no matter how long of a recovery Garren has ahead of him.

Dory said...

My heart reaches out to you and Nancy, Kara and Kelsey and especially Garren. I can only imagine how you are feeling tonight. I'm so sorry and it isn't fair! We don't understand, but someday, the Lord will reveal all to us and we will. Until then, we choose to trust, hang onto our faith, pray and plead with God to make things the way we want them to be. And yet, He knows what's best and the purpose for everything. We will continue to pray and believe for complete healing, for amazing growth in the body of Christ and the outstretch of this situation that will touch many. We all will have stories to tell once we get to the other side. Love you guys! -Dory

Kitty @ Four Little Toms and a Mom said...

Your posts are keeping all of us connected and feeling Garren's heart as though we are right there in the room with all of you. All five of us in our household have increased or prayers for Garren and no one has to even tell the others to... it's in our Spirits - the more everyone gathers to pray, the more the Spirit moves among all of us, urging us to lift our voices in prayer again and again.

Anonymous said...

We continue to pray with you and for you. Yes, you are right, many of us have watched our own child distressed, but it doesn't make the pain you feel right at this moment any different. A child in distress produces every possible emotion, some of which, you probably didn't know you were capable of experiencing. While we can't possibly know how you and Nancy are feeling, we do empathize with the crushing feelings and moments of anger that come and go during these times. It's hard to see brighter days ahead, but trust that there are, and by God's hands, he will lead you to them.

There are SO many people crying out to God on Garren's behalf and we knows He hears. Never the less, we will continue to cry out until you come to the light at the end of this tunnel and find your brighter days. I know Garren's tear must have been heart breaking for all of you, but I pray that with the heart break, you also see a lot of hope leading toward his recovery. It's another baby step in a positive direction. Rest peacefully; "joy comes in the morning" and tomorrow is a brand new day. In for the long haul, In His love, The Sisk Family

mvideo90 said...

Dear Pastor, you don't know me, but we know Garren's great aunt Sue. (She and I share a birthday and used to sing in choir together.) Our choir is praying for Garren. I have a son just 2 months younger than Garren, and seeing my son reminds me to pray for your precious boy. Having your quiet time together is wonderful. The Word of the Lord is a living Word...feed him and yourselves all of it you possibly can. When you can't read it out loud, post it on the walls so you can see it and remember...the battle is the Lord's, He's our healer, and His Word never ever returns void. Praying for Garren, and for you all in the thick of the battle.

Diann said...

I wish we could take away all your hurt and anger....especially the pain that Garren must be feeling...we are left to only pray....and that is what we will continue to do. Somehow I wish that all our love was enough to shield you guys from all the pain...so my simple prayer for today will be....Father, please shield Garren and the whole Janes family from anger and pain....please Lord....pour all the love from my heart right into theirs and may it soothe their hurting hearts.....Geoffrey, we love you and will continue praying....

Anonymous said...

Still praying, won't stop. God is teaching us all through your family's faith, and it's okay to be angry at the situation. God is teaching us through that as well.
Jax and Susan Jenkinson

Anonymous said...

Yes, Pastor Geoffrey . . we stand with you crying out to God for Garren and also asking Him for peace that transcends all understanding for you and Nancy. My eyes are welled up with tears and heart aches for you both.

Love & prayers,
Chris & Rich Charpentier

Anonymous said...

Geoffrey& Nancy,
Our hearts ache deeply for you guys. We are sending up extra prayers today for you& Nancy.
Praying for peace, patience, understandling & endurance. I know we all say that God has a plan for this& I believe he does, but when it's your baby lying in that bed with a tear flowing down his sweet face, we as Earthly, human parents we still don't understand. And we ask why my child? However, the Lord knows that you& Nancy have a steadfast, genuine faith& belief in him that most of us here on Earth have to work harder to obtain. He knew you both could handle this...even though I know you didn't want Garren to have to be the one chosen for this test of faith, nor does it seem fair when you're a good& faithful servant.

I read the blogs and have been blessed....I don't think there is one person that hasn't heard Garren's story that hasn't drawn closer to God...even people that don't know Garren or your family....the Lord is working on all our hearts, our prayer lives, our faith and belief....I wonder how many hearts have been made new, refreshed, softened or even SAVED through Garren's tragedy.
And even still as a parent we can never understand why my child Lord? It is ok to be angry. Feelings and emotions will be everchanging during this process for you guys. Again, look how blessed you are to know that even when you're angry to turn right to the scriptures for guidance.

The Lord will sustain you& carry you& Nancy through this all...we are here....we love ya'll and we love Garren, Kara& Kelsey....we are praying steadfast for healing and many more baby steps.

Our hearts cry for you all this morning...

Love you all,
Donna, Ritchie, Racheal, Katherine, Luke, Madelyn& Brady

Anonymous said...

So Sorry for this heartache that you are going through...it is ok to be angry...you have been through a lot as a pastor, husband, and a dad...we will continue to pray for the pastor's wife, wife, and mom, the sisters, and for Garren...if satan can get a toe hold in you emotionally, he will try to do that....continue to trust God for the outcome...already God has used Garren in ways that no one can understand this side of eternity. We love you and know this is hard...and it is ok...love, Sandy & Russ

Mike said...

Geoffrey, My hurts for you guys. Everytime I walk by and see you guys waiting it out. When I walked by the OR to check on Garren, I tried to picture my own son laying there....it was too painful. Brother, I pray that God will continue to give you peace as Paul assured us we would have in Phil4. You may not know it but your situation has caused me to pray more than I have for a long time. Remember, Jesus is in that room with Garren. He knows. He loves. And we love YOU all!

Anonymous said...

Our hearts are heavy for you, Nancy, Garren, Kara and Kelsey. May you feel God's presence as you continue this journey. Our prayers have been and will be for healing, strength, peace and endurance for the days ahead. Blessings in expected ways to all of you. In His Love, The Skinner's

wendy said...

That is what will pray also. We just cannot even imagine how diffiult this is for you both. The Pooveys

Anonymous said...

My family continues to pray for Garren and the complete family. My son attends Piedmont with him and has played football this past year this Garren in the 8th grade. This has really him all the football players hard and is such a reality check for so many. It has got to be extremely hard for a parent to send their child to school perfectly healthy and get that dreaded phone call that something has happened, i can only pray that you stay strong and believe in GOD and Garren will make a complete full recovery and this incident will only pull not only your family closer but so many others as well. The kids at Piedmont middle have all voiced their concerns about how is "sunshine" don a daily basic, they all pray and they all can't wait to see him again even though they all know it will be a long recovery. They know that "Sunshine" is tough and if anyone can over come this HE CAN!! My family will continue to pray for your entire family morning, day, and night.
GOD BLESS
Your family has got amazing strength and God knows that. I beleive that GOD wouldent let anyone or any family go through something that they could not handle so God has threw your family this road hump because he knows you are strong enough to get through it, with out a dought. KEEP UP YOUR SPIRITS!
"Sunshine the boys of fall" love you and miss you! Get Well Soon

Anonymous said...

we will continue to pray for all of you, and when you get tired, our prayers will lift you up. We love you all....Keith and Carman

Barehams said...

How tough to read that, never mind having to experience it first hand. We feel the pain in your words and will, as a family, be covering you all in prayer once again this morning. Thank God He gave us a Savior who can bear our heaviest burdens, and will never - ever - fail us.

Michael William said...

Praying for your continued strength today Pastor. Praying that God will show you some huge signs today of his love for you and Garren. I pray that the prayers of all the people will build you up and face the giants today.

Michelle Singleton said...

My heart aches for you and Nancy. I can not imagine your pain. First thing this morning, our family gathered for time with God. We prayed for Garren... and you and Nancy and the girls. We will continue to lift Garren up to God as we trust Jesus for Garren's complete healing.

PBJ said...

We are praying for all of you...I can hear your heart...But more importantly, the Lord hears your heart cry...

Anonymous said...

Geoffrey and Nancy,

I seem to express myself best through music...another song of promise! I love you and praying daily for all of you!

God will make a way
where there seems to be no way!

God will make a way
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

Anonymous said...

Dear Pastor Janes and Family...I don't know you all personally. My son, Sam, went to school with Garren at Porter Ridge and we are friends with the Montgomerys. I have been reading your blog every day and have been so blessed by your sharing. I cry through each one...good news, bad news, whatever...my heart aches for your situation. But I raise my hands to Jesus each time also because I know He knows. One of my greatest comforts in my darkest hours is that Jesus weeps with me. Even when I don't feel Him, I know His eyes and His heart never leave me. I promise to continue to pray for Garren's healing and for strength, peace and perseverance for you and your family. My family, my Bible Study group and my church, Morning Star Lutheran, will also continue to pray for all of you. As you know, our God is so big and He can take anything we hurl at Him...even our anger. In His love, Kathy, Bob, Adam and Sam Webster

Anonymous said...

Just read this on Proverbs 31 Ministries.
Let the past sleep, but let it sleep in the sweet embrace of Christ, and let us go on into the invincible future with Him. ~Chambers {For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD...“plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jer. 29}
May the past days sleep and each day to come be embraced in the sweetness of Jesus. Pray that you all go into the invincible future with Him.

Carol Taylor

Anonymous said...

We prayed that Garren and each one of you had a peaceful night. None of us can ease your pain at this moment, but we do hope that you are in some small way comforted by the many people who love you and continue to pray with you and for you. We pray for more baby steps today, and in the days to follow. In for the long haul, The Sisk Family

Todd said...

Pastor Geoffrey your anger is healthy. Yes, you are a pastor, but you are also a Dad and human. No pain is greater than seeing our children suffer. I am thankful for a bible filled with men of God who cried and lamented before God. You are in good company. Although we cannot stop the storm, we will walk through it with you in prayer. Today we intercede and hold up your family in prayer. God we continue to pray for a daily miracle. That tear involved cognition. We that you for the workings of Garren's mind. We pray for total restoration for Garren. Hold up Nancy and Geoffrey when they are empty. Fill then supernaturally in this storm. Give hope, when there is none.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you, and Garren, and your family....God will not and has not left you....when you are the most tired, remember that God will hold you together...we will be your hands as in Moses, and hold you up with prayer...until you tell us to stop....love, Sandy & Russ

chick said...

Oh my. I do know exactly how that feels. I remember seeing a tear like that roll down my child's face so vividly. I remember the anger. I am praying and will continue to.

2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

May God's power rest on you and His healing power rest on your son.

Anonymous said...

I could not stop the tears from flowing down my face as I read your blog today!!
'HEAR OUR PRAYERS,O LORD; LET OUR CRY COME TO YOU!!!! please Jesus, we lift up the Janes family to you! Dry their tears, ease their pain, wrap your warm, safe arms around each of them...especially Garren!!!!
we continue to pray, hope, and believe with you for Garren's complete healing!!!
<>< t

Anonymous said...

I have "lived" in the Psalms also, so many rich promises to stand on in our storms of life, whether for ourselves or others. I have shed many tears in the Psalms as I cried out to God for help in times of trouble. Which is why I come back to Psalm 34 over and over - I like the ALL in it - out of ALL our fears and out of ALL our troubles. Standing in the gap at Metrocrest Presbyterian Church in Texas.

Anonymous said...

BE STILL MY SOUL

Be still my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In everthing He faithful will remain.
Be still my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterius shall be bright at last.
Be still my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still my soul: the hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone.
Sorrow forgot, loves purest joys restored.
Be still my soul: when changes and tears are past.
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last. Amen.

I pray the Holy Spirit comforts you all with the words of this hymn as much as it has been used to comfort me. Bless you all in Christ's name, Amen Donna Lochridge

James Neubauer said...

This post hit home to me. After years of saying, "If I ever lose James, I will simply thank the Lord for the years I had with him"....then I lost James and the anger set in. I'm so thankful that God understands!! ~Leiann Neubauer